Reflective listening: what it is, three levels with examples, and how to practise

Reflective listening is a way of responding in which you give back, in your own words, what the other person has said and the feeling behind it, so they know they have been understood. That is our summary. K-State's counselling service describes it as helping to build relationships, create trust and foster motivation (K-State Counseling Services, “Reflective Listening”). The same page describes it at three levels: repeating or rephrasing, paraphrasing, and reflecting feeling. This page shows each level with an example and how to practise.

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The three levels of reflective listening

K-State's counselling service describes three levels (K-State Counseling Services, "Reflective Listening"). Here they are on one client line. The replies are our examples, written for this page.

The same source says that doing this well takes a fair amount of skill and practice. It names three places where listening breaks down:

• The speaker does not say what is meant.
• The listener does not hear correctly.
• The listener gives a different interpretation to what the words mean.

And it gives five steps to listening carefully:

1. Focus on feeling words.
2. Ask what the context of the message is.
3. Observe body language.
4. Build empathy by asking yourself: "If I were having that experience, what would I be feeling?"
5. Validate the person's thoughts and feelings.

An article by the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors describes two microskills that belong here. This page uses the first for the reflection of feeling level, and the second for checking that you have understood.

• Noting and reflecting

  Brings the emotional side of the client's story in by naming the underlying feelings.

  Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors (9 August 2012), "A Summary of Eight Counselling Microskills"

• Responding

  How the counsellor checks that they have understood, and encourages the client's story.

  Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors (9 August 2012), "A Summary of Eight Counselling Microskills"

For the wider list of skills that reflecting belongs to, see counselling microskills.

A beginner slip: giving advice before the client has finished

This one is about advice, not about the wording of a reflection. Practicium rates a skill called holding back advice, and the rating note flags a suggestion made before the client had finished. The sample rating on the home page has this note:

“Suggested a sleep routine at 11:02 before Daniel had finished. Stay with it a little longer.”

How to practise reflective listening

Common questions

What it is, and what it is not

Practicium is practice for people learning to counsel. It is not therapy, it is not a service for people seeking help, and it does not give advice to the public.